Nothing more dangerous than a horny man. Fact.

All us guys have been there. That crazy moment. That moment that dares you to defy your morals. Almost pushing you to the edge of depravity. Pushing you to a place you don’t want to be. I’ve had that moment and so have you. It’s that ultimate horniness. You haven’t masturbated in a while, the juices are pent up and you could fuck a wall if it had the right curves.

wall with right curves (ignore the dead reptile)

You’re going mad! You MUST find an outlet. Anything will do! You’re dick is playing you like the ultimate puppet master. With one objective. DRAIN THE BALLS. What do you do? Most of us use our hands aka the most generic ball draining equipment around. But a lot of guys are too horny for that and thats when the mad shit happens. Rape. Stalking. Pedophilia. Kidnapping. Buying Beyonce CDs cause you wanna fuck her.

Dangerously In Love. With her ass.

Look at priests and all the mad shit they get up to. Abusing poor little kids all over the place. What if they were allowed to get married? What if they were allowed to drain the balls with a loving wife? Praying may bring Mephistopheles himself to his knees but its got no power over a horny dick. Want to be a celibate priest? Cut your fucking dick off.

And it’s not only the direct effect but also the indirect. That pent up emotion will be released one way or the other. That’s how it is in countries that kill the crap out of each other. All that blowing shit up could be avoided by a sweet blowjob. Forget UN Peace Keepers send a whore battalion to suck the aggression out of those nutters. Or even more productive send Paris Hilton as the head of the UN Peace Keeping Blowjob Task Force .

Paris Hilton's Training Regiment.

So to conclude let me give you an example of what a really horny man is like. It’s like being stranded in the middle of the Sahara desert with nothing but sand in front of you, sand behind you, sand up your ass. At that moment with your tongue feeling like sandpaper and you can’t think about nothing but water. At that moment you know what a really horny man is like. The thirst is the horniness, the water is the sexual release and the sun is the dick behind it all, buring through your skull with the adage: ‘DRAIN THE BALLS’.

I might be exaggerating but I honestly believe that nothing is more dangerous than a horny man and most men are only as safe as the amount of time since they last drained their balls.

I DRINK YOUR SPONSOR’S MILKSHAKE!

I woke up and ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. Cinnamon explosion on my taste buds.

Then I drove in a Chevy Malibu. aka Sex on wheels (aka megan fox in a wheelchair)

Needed gas so I pumped it at a Mobil Gas Station. Gasoline mean and clean petrol baby.

Went to the mall and watched Robin Hood. It was a perfect movie. Kissing Cate Blanchett is like eating a strawberry.

I ate at Subways. Those motherfuckers can make a sweet sandwich.

Back home I logged on to tube8.com (the mercedes of porn). And jerked it with Vaseline Intensive Care: Total Moisture.

I will watch Lost (Tuesdays at 9 on ABC) while I munch down on Nachos Cheese Doritos and guzzle down a Diet Raspberry Snapple.

Later tonight I will cry into a Kleenex because of being sexually abused at the Hallmarks greeting cards aisle in a Walmart. I will decide to kill myself.

I will write a suicide note on an Office Depot Dual Ruled Composition Book.

I will take 20 Tylenol PM tablets and swag it down with a full bottle of Nyquil.

And tomorrow morning I will do it all over again.

My Sexy Sponsors

STOP THE PRESSES. The Internet is full of Perverts!

In my last post (titled ‘BONER KILLER’) I did an experiment in which I added tags of all the female anatomies guys find sexy, from the forehead to the soles, and added tags like ‘fucking’ ‘sexy’ and even one tag was ‘lady gaga still has a nice ass’. I did it because I wanted people with raging boners to read the post. What the raging boner readers didn’t know was that in the post was a picture of a huge ginormous fat lady in sexy lingerie (made from a pink parachute). The point being the picture would kill their boners. And boy did the perverts come flocking.

visual simile of boners

The graph shows my weekly viewing stats and every week my blog had no more than 20 viewers. Until last week when my viewing stats rose high like a horny phoenix and I had a personal record of 120 motherfucking viewers! 120 boners killed! murdered! pulverized! 120 horny sons of bitches had their retina’s burning from the fat lady (who once was Shrek’s sweet valentine). I think this was a brilliant experiment but ultimately it was ridiculously pointless because proving the internet is full of perverts is almost like proving ice melts. You don’t need to prove it, its a motherfucking given. Either way I enjoyed the experiment, it gave me an outlet to waste my time on.

Also if anyone is reading the whole blog you can rest assured I haven’t done ANY laundry yet and have bought 8 pairs of socks which should last about 16 days. And if you are reading the whole blog then comment or something you asshole.

PS I’m gonna tag this post exactly like the last post but I’ll add tags like ‘research’ and ‘Scientific American’. because you know, this is science.

BONER KILLER

I noticed my last post was tagged tits and a few people came (pun intended mofo) to my blog quite possibly with a full on erection. So I’ll tag this post with all women anatomy that turns guys on (from the forehead to the soles) and then I’ll kill their boners with this picture.

"Oops I ate all my clothes"

If this doesn’t kill your boner then I salute your tenacious erection. If it does then HAHA! IN YOUR FACE! Now get out there and finish your horny quest on the internet!

Strong Socks Drive

It’s been a week since my last literally shitty post. A fucked week at that. Didnt do nothing at all for the whole week. I have about 2 months worth of laundry to do. I’ve been using the same sheets for more than a month. My pillows are slowly turning yellow. My socks smell like a skunks ass.

And you know what? I still don’t feel like doing laundry. I would rather buy a pair of socks (which I did last week) than do fucking laundry. FUCK! And that’s the worst part. the fucking socks. I’ve been wearing the same jeans for a month (with no underwear) and it doesn’t smell at all. I wear brand new socks for a couple of days in a row and when I take my shoes off fucking birds drop dead from the sky. Fuck socks. they give me nothing but grief. like yesterday. I pick out a sock from my bedroom ‘floor’ aka my closet/rubbish tip. I give it a sniff. I recoil back in horror my eyes wider than a faggots asshole. And then I look closer and notice the sock has a fucking hole! its like the fumes from my feet are acidic!!

the future of biological warfare is in this sock

So whats the next step? What’s the logical thing to do? Call Poison Control? Dip the sock in a boiling tub of Purell? Throw it in a lake and hope the fish don’t grow third eyes? No not me. I’m a special kind of dumbass. I decide to wear the sock anyway but clever me (haha) I decide I’ll wrap my feet in a plastic bag and then put on the sock. that way my feet are safe. HAHAHAHA!!!! feet inside plastic bag inside sock inside shoe. absolute genius. and for that whole day everywhere I walk my feet are making rustling noises. I just wish somebody would kill me? Just shoot an arrow into my eye and through the back of my skull. I don’t deserve to be alive. And the worst thing? I still won’t do my fucking laundry.

Another reason this week sucked? No new naruto manga. its fucking golden week in japan so fuckng everyone is taking a week off to piss on each other.

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

I’m still doing nothing but barely living. I’m barely waking up, checking facebook, eating, wasting time, shitting, masturbating, showering. and i do it exactly in that order. Sometimes I multi-task and do 2 or more things at once. ie. I waste time/check facebook/shit. so basically I take my laptop to the bathroom prop it on the wastebasket take a huge dump while i update my status “I’m taking a shit” and simultaneously waste time watching shaytards on youtube. It’s fucking revolting.

But am I the only one taking a laptop to the bathroom? Isn’t the laptop our generations Reader’s Digest? Something to occupy you while excreting smelly waste. Because lets face it no one wants to think about shit when they’re shitting, they want to take their mind off the vile crap coming out of their body. It’s so disgusting.

Especially the smell, that’s the worst thing about poop. If it didn’t stink then it wouldn’t be so bad, and it irks me that nothing has been invented to make shit smell better. I say that because some public bathrooms stink so bad that u can feel the fumes melting your brain.  And some idiots who can’t clean their assholes properly (and no, wiping shit with tissue is NOT cleaning properly, we wash our hands after taking a piss then why dont we wash our asses after taking a shit) smell like roadkill chilli. But if poop smelled better then we wouldn’t have to deal with this shit (pun intended motherfuckers). Come on shit scientists!!! Come up with some shit deodorizing  food supplement, I want my poop to smell like spring breeze. We have hundreds and hundreds of different soaps, body washes, deodorants, colognes, perfumes. we can grow a rabbit penis in a lab that a rabbit can then use to mate but we can’t make shit smell better?

Terminator + mexican= that face

I remember my pregnant aunt (with her first baby) telling me that baby poop smells like roses. Four babies and a thousand diaper changes later she changed her fucking mind, I’m surprised her nose didn’t fall off her face.  Imagine how much easier her life and millions of other diaper changing parents’ lives would be if baby poop did smell like roses. Something to think about next time you take a shit.

Lying sack of shit

watched the new Lost episode. then spent an hour reading theories abt it. Fuck. It’s so pointless being into a tv show, especially one that basically does the mystery schtick just to keep people watching. But i buy into it. I’m a fucking sucker for this shit. When a movie has that soaring music and the good guy overcomes some bullshit then my heart starts pumping and my nipples tingle. and i’m a fucking guy. I know that a movie is just lies, at its worst its pure made up crap and at its best a huge exaggeration of a ‘true story’. I remember watching “Pursuit of Happyness” and being so affected my eyes welled up. but then i found out that unlike the movie the real person will smith was playing actually got paid as an intern. so to make a story better they lied to my face.

And I’m a lier myself. a huge lier. i try to take solace in the fact i lie as a form of self preservation and not to show off or to exaggerate a story. but its bullshit. i am still a horrible lying sack of shit. I sometimes think the only salvation i can have is if i sacrifice my life by saving hundreds of people. but maybe even people dont deserve to be saved. i’d rather save something more pure like a forest or some endangered species. my delusions get more fucked up the more i live.

My only redeeming thing i did today? defended a vlogger on youtube and got 10 votes up on my comment.

almost bored to death? my blog will push you over the edge.

I have been all over the internet like a raging rash for a long time (search for my username Lookaloop on google i have accounts from tube8.com to narutocentral.com). And unlike a lot of the slightly clockwork orangish teenage delinquents on the internet I remember living at a time when phones had cords and me and my cousins would try to kill each other with kung fu moves we just saw in a betamax jackie chan movie. The movie was called “half a loaf of kung fu” jackie chan goes from a semi-retarded homeless beggar to a kung fu master in an hour and a half, not even robert de niro could do that. although i would love a buddy cop movie featuring them both called ‘Taxi, in the Bronx’ the tagline “You talking to me? UNCLE!”

Anyway as i was saying I’ve wasted a lot of time on the interwebs  and i wanna waste ppls time reading this garbage. but I dont know whether to write this blog as a journal to myself that anybody can see or as something more public. How does it work? If I’m more honest in this blog it might be more interesting, but then again who wants to hear about my first sexual experience or my fight with my cousin over april o’neil? I dont know but this is my first blog abt nonsense and I will write one every day for a week and if even one mofo shows an interest then I’ll be happy i wasted someones time. let me burn some of your brain cells with this question “Is a depressed clown ironic or a fact of life?’